Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
