I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
