Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
