So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
