Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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