Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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