she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
