His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize