there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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