I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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