Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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