I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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