Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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