How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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