I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize