He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
