So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
