This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is Oprah even human
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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