Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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