Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sarcasm needs its own font
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
