We won't sleep together?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
