Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
