His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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