She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
