you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize