we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
