it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
