I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
3pm strippers are depressing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
