He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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