Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
