Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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