She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
