By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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