theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
