Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
