I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
