so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
