You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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