I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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