whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
