those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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