We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
