i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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