No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
