Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
