So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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