Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
