her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i think i just lost a toe
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