Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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