How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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