If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no, he came in my armpit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
