i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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