Say something about gay babies.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
