He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
