shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
