Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
