i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
