Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
