if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
