if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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