Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize