I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
