I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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