you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
