loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
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