my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
