I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
