Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
