That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
