i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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