That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
