I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
