also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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