You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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