I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
