i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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