Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
