It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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