Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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