pedialite and red bull = repair kit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
