We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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