im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
