This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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