just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
