She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
