well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
