She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
