you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize