We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
