I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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