so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
