I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
