Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize