I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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