New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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