Will you blow on my dice?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
