Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
