Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
