Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He has the fingertips of a God
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
