I will die if light touches me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
