Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this boner is exhausting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
