I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
