When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
