i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
