My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
