hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
