Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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