sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
